Beyond Survival
by totdesidero
Summary: Killian and Emma haven't had what people would consider a typical relationship. Snow monsters, wicked witches, and even a trip through time have kept them on their toes all while bringing them closer together. Is their last adventure the one that could tear them apart?


**I don't own these characters, that would be Kitsis and Horowitz but I'm more than happy to take them out to play.**

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><p>"Don't worry Dearie, you may be a survivor but is she?"<p>

Rumplestiltskin's grip increases on the glowing heart in his hand. Killian winces, gasping in anticipation of the pain but nothing happens. He stares at the Dark One wondering if perhaps he's been spared, that he's survived again. Then he sees Emma at his side clutching at her chest, knees buckling in pain as Rumplestiltskin continues to squeeze.

Killian is too slow to react, again. He reaches out to catch Emma before she falls pulling her into his arms. Her head falls back and as her blonde hair parts revealing her face Killian sees that she's already gone. At least Milah had a chance to say goodbye. Indescribable pain lances through his heart as he clutches Emma's body to his chest.

"Looks like I won again. But this time I'll be sure to finish the job," the face looking at him is no longer the Mr. Gold of Storybrooke but has transformed back to his true form, the scaly crocodile like visage of the Dark One.

Killian gently sets Emma on the ground and stands to face the monster that has destroyed his life time and again. Revenge isn't even a passing thought. Not this time. Emma made him a better man, she saved him, she loved him and he wasn't about to tarnish that by destroying himself in seeking vengeance again.

"What? Not going to put up a fight?" Rumplestiltskin's voice lilting as he mocks the unresisting Killian. "That's a shame. I always loved watching your defeat at my hands."

The clocking of boot heels as the Dark One walks towards him is persistent almost rhythmatic. They're counting down the moments to his death. Killian stands with his head held high despite the tears coursing down his cheeks. Soon he will be with his Emma and while it might not be ideal they'll have their happy ending. The sound of the steps grows louder but not nearer and Killian has a moment of confusion before a sword impales his heart.

Killian wakes up gasping, clutching his chest and sweating. He's confused by his surroundings at first, the Jolly Roger has never sat so still on the water. Then he remembers that his ship has long since been traded away. He's in his room at Granny's. It takes another moment to remember what had transpired earlier, he had his heart back, the Dark One was banished without magic, and Emma is alive.

Sitting up he realizes that he fell asleep on top of his bed fully clothed. He hadn't slept much while his heart was parted from his body and what sleep he had was fitful and fleeting. His head feels full of cotton batting and his eyelids heavy. Bringing his hands up to scrub his face he feels moisture on his cheeks. Tears. The nightmare, Emma lying dead in his arms, comes back to him making his hands shake and his breathing uneven. That's when he hears the knocking.

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><p>Emma doesn't know what she's doing back at Granny's. It was past three in the morning, she should be back at the loft sleeping off the drama of the past few weeks. Ingrid was gone, Gold was gone, there were no threats left in Storybrooke. Of course that didn't mean that something wasn't lurking around the corner. Something was always lurking around the corner.<p>

After seeing Henry's discovery at the abandoned mansion and joining Operation Mongoose Emma had excused herself. She knew Regina was still hurting despite the hopeful look on her face at discovering the unwritten books. Regina wouldn't be alone though, Henry would be with her and Emma was certain that he could do more for Regina than she ever could. So she had gone back into town wandering aimlessly as she thought about all that had happened over the past weeks.

A Savior's job is never done and she was just beginning to realize that perhaps it never would be. Her magic was growing as her control over it increased. The restored memories of Ingrid were racing through her thoughts as they fit themselves back in her mind. She was sure her parents could help her deal with the return of her memories. They had gone through it themselves twice. Yet, that wasn't what was truly bothering her.

Gold had been planning something huge behind her back and she hadn't had a clue. Sure there were other pressing matters but how could she have been so blind? And when it mattered she hadn't been able to do anything, just forced to stand there and watch as someone else saved Killian.

That's what brought her to Granny's. After finally answering her parent's texts asking if she was okay she spent the next hour pacing outside of the boarding house. It was late and Storybrooke was quiet, peaceful. She breathed it in, letting the stillness soothe her nerves and calm her down.

Prickly. That's how Elsa had described Emma. She had been called many things but prickly had never been one of them. She kind of liked it because generally prickly things were just protecting the vulnerable parts underneath the sharp defenses. As she was finding out her vulnerable parts were much more exposed than she realized. Emma had spent so much of her life protecting herself that she didn't understand at first how much she had already opened up. She had thought Killian had been doing the same. Had she been wrong?

She had known something was off with him but couldn't quite pin down what it was. Too much had been happening, too many emotions, and not enough time to collect her thoughts. She thought back to the moments before Ingrid's curse took hold, she remembered Killian's desperate grasp on her arm in the diner earlier that day, and she desperately wanted to forget the almost dead look in his eyes as he told her about the portal back to Arendelle.

Emma understood that he didn't have his heart. She had seen how it turned people into puppets, setting them against the people they cared for. She understood that he probably fought tooth and nail before being bested by Gold. What she didn't understand was why he had allowed himself to fall victim to Gold in the first place. Why had he had turned to him when he had spent several lifetimes trying to destroy him.

Her resolve hardens as she settles on anger as she opens the front door. She had left him earlier after restoring his heart believing him when he said he was exhausted. He looked like he hadn't slept in weeks, so she kissed him one last time before going up front to the diner. Now, as she quietly storms up to his room, she hopes he's awake because she was going to find out exactly what he had been up to behind her back.

Despite knowing that there were no one else staying at Granny's she quietly knocks on Killian's door. She's mad but she's not rude. He doesn't answer so she knocks again a little more forcefully. After hearing some movement on the other side of the door she waits. When he still doesn't answer she knocks a final time telling herself that she'll just break into his room because the conversation they need to have is important. When he finally opens the door her resolve falters as she looks up at him.

He looks like a wreck. He's still wearing his clothes from earlier this evening, although they're much more wrinkled than they had been. His dark hair is a mess, quills standing up in every direction except for one side that's been smashed down by what she assumes was a pillow. Shadows so dark they look like bruises lie under his bloodshot eyes. The blue of his irises, usually so piercing, are dull and full of pain. Her breath hitches as she notices that there are trails of tears running down his cheeks.

"Emma," Killian breathes out her name in little more than a whisper before pulling her into his arms, crushing her to his chest.

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><p>Killian didn't know who would be bothering him this late at night. Looking out his window he judges the time to be late but isn't quite sure because he can't see enough of the sky. He glances at the clock on his nightstand, sees that is in fact past three and he's been asleep for hours instead of mere minutes. The knocking has ceased but he can see the shadow of whomever is waiting on the other side of the door. Obviously the tactless person has no intention of leaving so he hauls himself off the bed and goes to open the door.<p>

He resignedly swings the door open ready to tell the mystery person to leave him be. It's bad enough he still feels unrested but his nightmare is still hanging on like a poisonous fog in his mind. So seeing Emma standing, whole, and seemingly angry in front of him breaks what little control he's gained since waking.

"Emma," all the breath left in his lungs goes into those two syllables. She's alive, of course she is. But all the same he pulls her into his arms needing to feel her solid warmth and the beat of her heart in her chest.

As he dips his head into the crook of her neck he breathes deeply filling his lungs with her scent. He can smell a faint trace of her perfume, flowery and light, a hint of sweat, most likely from rushing to the clocktower to stop Rumplestiltskin, and a hint of what he likes to think of as starshine that he recognizes from uncountable nights on the Jolly Roger but is still inherently hers.

She had stiffened in surprise at first but quickly wrapped her arms around him in return. One of her hands reaches up to cradle the back of his head and at the gentle contact he pulls her even closer. He knows she will probably have trouble breathing soon but he can't help himself, his nightmare had reminded him how close he had come to death earlier.

"Hey," Emma sounds concerned but still a bit angry. She pushes gently on his chest looking up into his face. "What's going on?"

"Nothing, Swan. Just a bad dream is all," Killian steps back and ushers Emma into his room.

He takes his time walking over to the desk to turn on the lamp sitting there. It would have been easier to turn on the overhead light but he needed to gather his wits and truthfully that one was a bit harsh for his liking. Why anyone preferred the bright light to the soft glow of a lantern would always confound him. Turning back towards Emma he steels himself for whatever argument she's come to have.

"So, what do I owe this late night pleasure to Love? Can't get enough of me in the daylight can you?" He falls back into his habit of flirting with her. It's much easier to hide behind the banter than expose how vulnerable he truly feels.

"No, you don't get to smooth talk your way out of this. What happened?" Emma's voice has a hint of steel in it. The one that means she's trying to hide a powerful emotion herself. Killian recognizes it instantly but chooses to ignore it.

"I told you Swan, just a bad dream. Nothing to concern yourself about," he waves her concern off as he gestures for her to sit down in one of the chairs. "Shouldn't you be home, wrapped up in bed, having sweet dreams involving me?"

Emma rolls her eyes at him, ignoring his invitation to sit. He remains standing as well. His exhaustion has returned and he can feel his guard starting to slip.

"I'm not talking about the dream Killian. Which, by the way, must have been pretty bad for you to react that way," she points out bluntly. "I'm talking about what happened with Gold. How did he get your heart? What. Happened."

Killian is taken aback. She is angry, livid in fact. What he couldn't quite determine is if it was with him or if it was something else.

"Are you angry with me?"

"Yes. No. I don't know," she sighs. "There was this whole thing going on behind my back that I know nothing about. I told you that I trusted you but it was Anna that told me about Gold's plan. Someone I had just met knew more about this than I did. You were a part of it all and didn't tell me.

"I know that he had your heart. I know that he had control over you. But that doesn't change the fact that he had to get your heart in the first place. How?"

He debates with himself as to how much he should tell her. Yes, she is mad at him but he could also see she was angry with herself. He had told her the truth once, even if Rumplestiltskin had erased his message. He owes her an explanation, one that can't easily be tossed away. Taking a deep breath he goes over to his bed and sits on the edge gesturing once more to a chair knowing she would eventually sit.

"I knew that Rumplestiltskin had never given his dagger to Belle. He is too fond of his power to just hand it over, even to his 'true love'. So I started using the information as blackmail. First I used it to find where the Snow Queen was hiding in the woods. Good intentions and all that but then I used it to return my hand. But it got messy and backfired. Rumplestiltskin in turn blackmailed me and had me help him use the hat against a man who must have had great power.

"Then when you went to him to get rid of your powers I knew he would try using the hat against you. I told you then, I left a message for you on your telephone explaining everything, but Rumplestiltskin removed it. I was there, outside that bloody mansion while you were inside mere steps away from the thing that would have destroyed you. That was when he took my heart."

Killian's voice is strained from the emotions he's trying to suppress. Emma had finally sat down in the chair next to his bed. She is listening to him talk, showing no reaction to his revelations. He drops his head and continues with his tale, addressing the floor.

"Turns out his plans were never going to work unless he killed someone who knew him from before he was the Dark One. So, while everyone was dealing with the Snow Queen's curse I was spared and Rumplestiltskin had me try help him prepare. It was me who attacked the fairies at Granny's, not the Snow Queen. The hat needed more power and they were too easy a target for him to pass up.

"When the Snow Queen's curse failed he had to make sure no one would find out what he was doing. He found the portal that brought the Snow Queen to this land and then used my heart to convey the information to you. You knew something was wrong and I broke through his control long enough to try to warn you. It must of worked because you were there to stop him.

"That's everything and I know I have no right to your forgiveness. I broke your trust and went behind your back. I should have been honest with you from the start. I'm sorry."

He closes his eyes and buries his head in his hands. As he waits for Emma to get up and leave him he thinks back to the last time he had nothing to hide from her. Too long, he decides. He had tried to be a better man for her but just succeeded in remaining an unworthy pirate. He realizes that minutes have passed and yet Emma was still seated across from him, quiet but still there.

"Swan?" He asks as he looks up at her.

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><p>Too much. It was all too much. It seemed that everyone had been keeping things from her. Ingrid was her foster mother and had stolen those memories. Henry and Regina had been trying to find the author of his book to get her a happy ending. And Killian had been hiding so much from her about Gold, about what he knew. She used to think her super power was being able to know lies from the truth. Turns out she was very mistaken about that.<p>

"Swan?" Killian's voice brings her back to the present. He sounds so broken as though he has already given up hope that she could forgive him.

Could she forgive him? She knows she has trust issues. Her time spent in the foster system laying the foundation and Neal's betrayal just putting the roof on the whole structure. Yet, she hadn't been lying when she told Killian that she trusted him. This is what she really came here to find out. Can she still trust him or should she do what she does best, run?

She looks at him. Really looks at him. The man in front of her is so far removed from the pirate she met back in the Enchanted Forest. That man was bent on revenge, who would stop at nothing to skin his crocodile. Hook, the stuff of legends and stories. She saw nothing of that in the man sitting defeated on the edge of the bed.

What she sees is a man broken by his own hand. Someone who had gambled everything and nearly lost. She sees Killian, the man who would fall through time for her, give up his beloved ship for her, the man that had continually shown her that he believed in her even when she didn't believe in herself. The man who never gave up on her. It's her turn not to give up on him.

"I knew something was wrong but I just couldn't figure out what it was. Even after you tried to warn me at the diner I didn't know," Emma says quietly looking over his head out the window, she isn't sure he can hear her. "I'm supposed to be the Savior and I couldn't even save you."

"I told you Swan, I'm a survivor," there's no hint of pride in his voice, just a statement of fact.

Her eyes snap down to his. He's smiling crookedly at her but it doesn't reach his eyes. It breaks her heart to see him so utterly lost. She hesitates, not much but just enough for Killian's smile to slip, before she joins him on the bed. It wasn't so long ago that she realized that Storybrooke was her home. Now she's come to realize that perhaps Killian has also been a part of that feeling.

"Killian, it's not just about surviving. I have survived, closing myself off, running, trusting no one but I haven't been living," she doesn't hesitate as she reaches over to grab his hand. "Maybe it's time we start living."

She's never been one to show a lot of emotion, ever. Except with Killian and she's willing to try showing him now. She uses her free hand to turn his head so she can look into his eyes. His eyes widen slightly but she sees his old spark starting to return. Resisting the urge to turn away first she just looks into his eyes until she knows he understands. Smiling gently she squeezes his hand and gets up from the bed.

"What, leaving so soon Swan?" Killian quips. "I thought that perhaps we had reached an understanding."

Emma rolls her eyes as his eyebrow lifts suggestively. Bending down she pauses before kissing him just long enough to leave him wanting.

"Oh, we have an understanding. Just not the one you think we do," she smiles as she presses her lips to his gently but quickly. "Goodnight Killian."

As she walks towards the door she hears him softly respond, "Goodnight Emma."

She may be the Savior but maybe this time she's not the only one doing the saving.


End file.
